Tom Hanks has a semi-secret obsession. Some might even call it an addiction. According to an article I read this morning, he collects typewriters. At present, he owns 120 (this after giving several away and selling others for lack of storage space). Apparently, he’s always on the lookout for an interesting model.

I can certainly identify with Tom. I have a similar inclination for collecting things. I don’t have 120 typewriters. Neither do I have a bazillion shot glasses or 14 cars or spoons from all the National Parks or a display case filled with Faberge Eggs. I collect on a smaller scale, thoughtfully and with restraint. Still, my propensity to gather, keep, and display certain items in my office is causing my wife, Fran, concern. Let me explain.

It’s not so much the horns. I only have two: a trumpet and a cornet. The latter is an ancient Conn that sits on my desk. My father played it in the school band and I played it until my eighth grade band teacher said, “Hey, that sounds like you’re blowing through a throw pillow. Maybe it’s time to shop for a new model.”

The trumpet is the upgrade: an authentic Los Angeles Benge. Except for where my daughter dropped it during marching band practice (can you say “big ding”?), it’s in great condition and sounds awesome. It sits quietly in the office closet until those moment when I’m compelled to break it out and pretend I’m Miles Davis. That lasts for approximately 8 minutes, then my lip goes, and I just listen to the rest of Kind of Blue with deep respect and awe.

But then there are my guitars: two electric, three acoustic... Oh, and a banjo. In my defense, only three of these instruments are actually in the office. Sure, they take up space, but they serve a very practical purpose - I play them regularly.

The photos are where things start to get sticky. I have an array of small (4x6), framed black and white photos on the wall above my desk. These are famous writers, artists, and musicians I admire. By array, I mean 19. With three still waiting to be hung and ideas for more. The number is becoming an issue, as is the decorative motif (i.e. the way I have them arranged).

The biggest issue by far: books. I have 300+ in the office alone. Many more in the bedroom, living room, basement...

Here’s the thing: I like books. I really (r-e-a-l-l-y) like books. I like shopping for them, I like buying them, I like the way they look on the shelf, in piles, lying open on my desk... I like the way they feel in my hand, the way they smell, the sound they make when you open the cover and turn the pages... I love books!

Sometimes I even read them. This is that part that bugs Fran. I have stacks of books that I’ve never read and probably never will. She thinks we should get rid of them. I have dozens of books that I’ve started to read but will never finish. She thinks we should get rid of those too. And then there are the books I’ve already read which, you guessed it, she wants to chuck.

So you can imagine what happens when a book arrives in the mail. I try not to let this happen more than once or twice a month. I also try not to let her notice. On those occasions when I fail to sneak said book into my office, she confronts me with an expression of exasperation, a shake of her head, and the question: Don’t you already have enough books?

The answer is, of course, no. You can never have enough books.

You can never have enough books.

Which brings me back to Tom Hanks. America’s Dad (and one of my favorite actors) seems to think you can never have too many typewriters. He is so fascinated with them that he even wrote a book of short stories based around typewriters.

In a video that goes along with the article, Tom demonstrates how to change a typewriter ribbon, then inserts a sheet of paper and tries the machine out. “That’s the sound of typing,” he says proudly. “It’s the cadence of creativity. It’s the percussion, the punctuation. That sound, you’ll get lost in it. It becomes a rhythm. It becomes a music that will not only tell you - and the other people in the other room - that you’re working, it will also spur you on to other areas of imagination that you will eventually create and record forever on your typewriter.”

I love typewriters too! I used to have three. I now have only have one: a sleek black, antique Underwood portable. It works. Kind of. The ribbon is twisted and just about out of ink (Tom would be so disappointed in me). Mostly it sits on my desk and motivates me to quit daydreaming and write something.

William Faulkner used a portable Underwood very similar to this one. (I like to think it was the same model.) He’s one of my favorite writers (his pic made my wall) and I feel like having the Underwood nearby connects me to not only Bill, but to a host of other 20th century greats who inspired me to become a writer.

If I was swimming in Benjamins, like Tom Hanks, I’d probably buy a few more typewriters. I’d definitely look for one like Hemingway used, one like Vonnegut used, one like Steinbeck used, one like Langston Hughes used... You get the idea. I’d also pick up a few more guitars (a Jazzmaster, a PRS, a Les Paul, a Flying V, maybe a St. Vincent..). I’d get a new cornet, a flugelhorn (definitely!)...

For the above reasons, Fran is glad that we’re not swimming in Benjamins.

Luckily for me, I’m married to a very beautiful, patient, and kind woman. She understands my strange habits and puts up with most of my shenanigans.

Luckily for me, I’m married to a very beautiful, patient, and kind woman. She understands my strange habits and puts up with most of my shenanigans. She isn’t always pleased with my collecting activities. But she realizes that, for whatever reason, this stuff is important to me and she cuts me some slack. I’m grateful for that.

Now, if I can just come up with an effective diversion that will enable me to smuggle Tom’s book, Uncommon Type into my office unnoticed. It’s scheduled to arrive in the mail in 3 to 5 days.