Rooting for American's Team
If you don’t like football, stop reading here. (Did you stop?) Also, if you like football but are concerned about what’s going to happen to Aaron Rogers... Pul-ease... (eyeroll) You’ll need some cheese to go with that whine.
Yeah, I know, it’s still officially summer - the dog days, even. The sun is blazing down, the afternoons are sweltering, and I’m sitting here working in shorts and Combat Flip-Flops. (I’m wearing other items of clothing too. Really, I am.) This is, by far, my favorite time of year.
So why bring up the subject of football? Football is synonymous with fall and fall means bulky sweaters, raking leaves, freak snow storms (around here, anyway) and huge sports stadiums with no fans inside. No wait, that was last year. This year is going to be different.
Seriously.
Maybe.
Ok, maybe not. Especially if the Tokyo Olympics and the Delta Variant are any indication. But that’s probably one of the reasons why, in late July (hey, that rhymes), I’m already in the mood for football. There are other reasons, however. The biggest of them is that my team has a good chance of going... all... the... wayyyy...!
I am, of course, talking about the Dallas Cowboys. And they aren’t just my team. In addition to superlative branding/marketing, an amazing NFL legacy, and a rather desperate owner (okay, very desperate) who is willing to “do anything known to man” to get the Pokes to the Super Bowl, the Cowboys are AMERICA’S TEAM. (Woop! Woop!)
I’ve come to realize that there are really only two kinds of people in this world: Cowboy fans and Cowboy haters. Statistically speaking, you probably fall into the latter category. You might dislike Dallas as much as you dislike Tom Brady. That’s natural. People tend to be irked by teams and players that win too much. But since the Cowboys have been El Crappo Boys in recent years, your malice could have dissipated. They haven’t won squat for a while, definitely haven’t dominated, so perhaps your hostility toward the big blue star has cooled to a modest annoyance.
Or not.
I’ve come to realize that there are really only two kinds of people in this world: Cowboy fans and Cowboy haters.
Either way, here’s the thing: I’m not just a run-of-the-mill fan. I didn’t hookybob onto the team and start cheering for them in their glory years, when they were putting ring after Super Bowl ring on their fingers. I’m a third generation Cowboys fan. I was born the same year they entered the NFL (look it up - I’m O-L-D!). What that means is that I’ve witnessed 33 post season appearances, 8 NFC championships, and 5 Super Bowl wins. But I have also suffered through 18 losing seasons, including last year’s abysmal 6-10.
Growing up, I had Dallas Cowboy t-shirts, Dallas Cowboy pajamas, Dallas Cowboy jerseys, Dallas Cowboy helmets and footballs... My bedroom walls were adorned with photos of Bob Hayes, Don Meredith, and Bob Lilly. My mom even covered my coronet case with Dallas Cowboy newspaper clippings. And I was an official member of the highly exclusive Dallas Cowboy Fan Club (entrance required filling out a form and sending them $5).
I’m also married to a died-in-the-wool Cowboy fan who comes from a family of Cowboy fans. When we learned that we were both Dallas die-hards, that sealed the deal and we realized we were meant to be together.
This year, if the apocalypse holds off and there actually is a football season (with or without fans in the seats), Dallas will be in the Super Bowl. I’m calling it right now. In fact, I’ll go further out on that limb: they will WIN the Super Bowl. I’m certain of this not because I am clairvoyant or because I put a hit out on Patrick Mahomes. No. I’m confident this is the Cowboys’ season because of three things.
1. Zeke
Yes, I’m talking about Ezekiel Elliot, the vastly overpaid running back who had a couple of goods seasons but hasn’t done diddly since he landed an outrageous contract. That Zeke. The one who has been playing like he stays up too late on Saturday nights and is mainlining Benadryl on Sunday mornings. The Zeke whose hair looks like he put his finger in an electrical outlet, who has a crazily contagious smile, and who everyone wants to choke out when he can’t get two freaking yards on third down.
I firmly believe that this year, someone or something will jumpstart Zeke and he will emerge from his dollar-sign coma and start generating major yardage again. Or at least, I hope he does. Pleeez, Zeke, pleeez...!
2. Dak
Dac Prescot is the real deal, a next gen G.O.A.T. in the making. He’s been racking up numbers that blow everyone - including TB - out of town. Last year, before he got injured, his stats were off the charts. It was heartbreaking to see him out for the season. Thankfully, he rehabbed like a champ and he’s back. Dak is back!
3. Jerry
As much as I don’t like Jerry Jones, I like Jerry Jones. Or at least, I like his passion for football, his desire to win, and the fact that he has enough money to make it happen. Spend, Jerry, spend!
So as you can see, this is going to be a breakthrough year for the Boys. They will no doubt return to their legendary winning ways, defeating everyone in their path, destroying defenses, pushing back offenses, and giving their long-standing, long-suffering fans a reason to pump their fists in the air and eat more hot wings.
If they don’t stage a comeback, if they continue to sleepwalk through games and lethargically watch other teams spank them, I have another prediction: Jerry will go berserk and lose his mind. And I’ll join him. If they have yet another terrible season, I’ll stage a protest by pulling off my Dak Prescott jersey and tossing it in the trash. Okay, not the trash, but I’ll toss it into my closet. Without folding it! And I will refuse to wear it ever again. Or at least… until the next season rolls around.